I shoulda stayed home!

So I have a night to myself

Joe has taken the girls camping

I decide, I am going to shop for a dress

I need a dress for the girls communion

So I head over to Brier Creek to TJ Maxx

I find a couple of cute dresses and enter the fitting room

I am down to my undies & bra

and I hear

.....Oh Lawd

That thing is sparking

....Oh Lawd

Followed by a store associate-

....Please leave the dressing room immediately

Leave the clothes, just get out

Seriously!

Come on, I am in my undies

I was so pissed

then i got really scared

I was like I don't want to get stampeded on my way out the door of

TJ Maxx

That is not how I want to go

In a panic I pull up my pants

leave them 1/2 buttoned

I exit the stall & look up to see sparks flying out of the air vent

for realzzzz!

so I high tail it out of the store

leaving a trail of "freak out" behind me

Didnt stick around to see how it all turned out

I just ran

Then I decide, since I am here I will try Ross

Never been in there

Lets give it a looksie

Get there, the sign on the door says

CASH ONLY, computer problems,

no credit or debit cards acceptable

ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

WTF

REALLY, WTF

Well, I went in anyway

Shoulda left when I had the chance

Tried on 9 dresses

and now I am in spiral of self hate

I hate my body

why cant I be a size 4

size 4 dresses are cute

everything

I try on looks like shit

I hate shopping

I need a personal shopper

I bet Kate Middleton haas a personal shopper

Waaaaaah I want to be a princess & have a personal shopper

So then I leave Ross

disgusted

to see this lovely sight

Then I realize

well, maybe I narrowly escaped death at TJ Maxx so

So this is a blessing, right....

OK

I make peace with myself & decide to hit up the mall this week

I hop back in my car to drive home

with in 5 minutes of my house

I look down & notice this

Gas light on E

This is so not my day!

NEED MORE POSTS!

COME ON LADIES

STEP IT UP

DO YOU NEED A TUTORIAL?

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE SOMETHING HILARIOUS TO ADD CAUSE WE ARE ALL AMAZING

ANY TOPIC WILL DO

BRING IT!

Another moment in the life of a Real Housewife...

The setting: dinnertime. Cooking my family a delicious Italian pasta dish while wearing a low cut spaghetti-strap nighty. After microwaving the cherry tomatoes, I used a chopper to finish crushing them not thinking about possible explosions. The phone starting ringing announcing my mother in law and at that same time a juicy tomato ruptured squirting hot lava all over my chest. A painful scream left my body and I ripped my nighty down exposing "the girls" and hosed them down with the kitchen spray nozzle like I was filming an X-rated version of, "The Real Housewives". My husband had been doing yard work and heard the damsel in distress cry and burst through the door. I'm sure the image was surprising. "Are you hurt?"...and the comedian famous for the "here's your sign" jokes comes to mind. "No, I just decided to rinse off while making dinner to save time. Here's your sign."

Oh yeah, I'm not 17...

Spring Break 2011 was an adventure starting at the beach & ending in the mountains. There was 5 of us loaded in our swagger wagon with a heap of [nicely organized] stuff. My husband John, our 3yr old daughter Amelia & my 2 nephews Randy (17) & Scott (15). Whenever we can, we always include my two younger nephews (the eldest, Daniel is 19 & busy with the "gray area" of life) because they are fun, helpful and more like brothers since I'm actually closer in age to them than my own sister. Our first stop was Atlantic Beach. Resort was nice but needed some TLC. I love having a kitchen or kitchenette to prepare snacks (I'm southern so I know love grows in the belly) but there was nothing which left me feeling a little lost. What could I whip up with an igloo cooler & an in-room college beer fridge? We hit the resort beach lunch shack and waited 25 minutes for acknowledgment. Hello! It should be mandatory to skip the retired couple & group of young kids for the table with a toddler! By the time our poor at best basketed food arrived Amelia had run out to the ocean twice, got soaked by the waves, dumped our ice waters down the deck cracks, poured salt all over the table, stole the sugar packet bowl and ran with it...the list goes on. An anxiety pill & stiff drink was needed but not available. I had to settle for questionable looking water they was tainted by toddler hands. This meal time visual picture is pretty much how every meal played out including the crappy service which was unreal. We kept waiting for the hidden cameras. Typical family beach fun & the boys had there long boards (ultra cool skate boards) for entertainment and an instant chick magnetic draw. There was so much teen eye candy on the beach I don't know how the boy's eyes didn't just explode from overload. Thank goodness they were all like 14 or I would've sat on the beach & cried. I already appeared to be a beached whale next to the pile of teen bones splayed out on towels. Within hours of our arrival the boys had been chased down by a friend who spotted them long boarding. Soon 2 teen boys grew to 6 teen boys and I discovered our room was feeling a little frat house like. I was getting annoyed at the strangely colored substances in the Gatorade bottles and questionable aromas and proceeded to vacate our territory while still maintaining my cool persona. Result was all of them hangin on the beach with us playing great with Amelia, skim boarding and checking out chicks. I put my two cents in whenever possible. That girl??? No way guys....see how she blah blah. No one wants to deal with that & she probably doesn't even know how to make a bowl of cereal (always comes back to cooking for me).
To be continued...
ZZZZZZbedtime

Fanny Pack

This is brought to you by PACT Member **Smash**- our resident make up artist & activities planner!

There's something to be said about the fanny pack. I HATE feeling like a mule all the time with purses, bags, etc. I don't own a fashionable fanny but the designers should bring them back in style! If not, you may see my face blacked out in the next fashion no-no mag. Just sayin....

Thoughts?

Girlfriends!

A group of 15-year-old girls discussed where they should

meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at

the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had

$6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies lives on that street and they might see him and they can ride their bikes there.

10 years later, the group of 25 year old girlfriends

discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon

that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was

cheap, they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and

there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon

that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos

were good, it was right near the gym and if they go late enough, there

wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again

discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon

that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis

were big, and the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again

discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed they

should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was reasonable, the wine list was good, they had windows that open in case

of a hot flash, and fish is good for your cholesterol.

10 years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again

discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that

they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because lighting was good

and they have an early bird special.

10 years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because food was not too spicy, the restaurant was handicapped accessible and they even had an

elevator!

10 years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again

discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that

they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never

been there before.

Pretty Pretty Please! YOU ARE PERFECT TO ME!!!

New underpants i like

low rise bikinis from walmart.........

They were nice enough to use my image on their packaging

no

they really didnt

but it would be nice if that was what i really looked like

one day i did look like that

but i didnt know it

the trouble I could have gotten into if I knew I had it going on

boom~chicka~wow~wow

Anyway this post is about underpants that i like

I really like these,

they are low rise,

they dont ride up,

they are cute...

sorry i didnt include the actual pics of the undies

nor did i include a pic of me wearing these undies

I didn't want to scare you all

But if you are looking for undies that are truly Low Rise

these are great!

and cheap too!

THIS IS WHY I GET NOTHING DONE-problems with ADD

Here is what my day was like-

Ritalin Anyone????:

6:00 am-Sky comes in dressed for school, ready to snuggle as my alarm goes off

this was the highlight of my day, my girls RARELY snuggle anymore!

6:15 am-after snuggles w/ my Noops (Sky's nickname) & hitting the snooze button,

i get up dressed & ready for work,

apply make up 1/2 assed(you would not approve Ash)

then change 17 times before i decide on an outfit

6:58-rush downstairs,

write a check for school,

make tea for my travel mug(disney of course)

grab banana & bag for work, off i go

7:29.59-pull into work just in time

8:30-finish testing & tutoring, decide I should head to walmart

8:34-in my car thinking it is a really good idea to check email

8:45-still in school parking lot writing posts to Facebook about American Idol

8:49-drive to Walmart & park car, enter store where i don't really need shit

9:20-leave store with shit i don't really need & drive home

(Shit I Don't Need)

Between the hours of 9:40& 3:30 this is what i did:

get home

change into comfy clothes

make coffee, drink first cup

strip sheets off our bed

put in load of laundry

unload dishwasher

call my dad(his sister just passed away-90 years old)

start making meatballs & sauce for dinner tonight

make bowl of oatmeal for breakfast

eat bowl of said oatmeal

drink second cup of coffee

let dogs out, let dogs in (repeated 3 times over course of several hours)

paint shelf for girls room that i bought at the goodwill 6 months ago

scrub other shelf w/ primitive stars that i also bought at good will 6 months ago

check Facebook & email 17 times......

drive to Cathy's, take Riley with me to let Sage out

almost ram into the mailman who is in our driveway & I dont bother to realize till I am half out of the garage!!!!

attempt drive to Cathys again

drop off old teaching materials while at Cathy's, realize I forgot 2 items(imagine that)!

speak to my HS friend Colleen while I am at Cathy's & watching the dogs play

drive home with Riley

paint little chair that i am planning to mod podge

(chair that I will be modge podging soon, post coming)

go up in attic to look for country/primitive stuff for shelf

download no rain ring tone

said some prayers for some people in need

wonder why I can never get anything done!

start writing this post

put wet laundry into dryer

clean up paint supplies

ask joe to hang shelves for me

do suggestive dance so Joe will hang shelves for me,

(well what i thought was suggestive, others may call spastic & awkward)

eat meatballs that i made for lunch

ask Joe about his Crossfit work out

listen to joe tell me about his Crossfit workout

fantasize about Joe's trainer who he describes in full detail (about all his tight muscles)

-is that wrong??

for

Joe to be describing OR me to be fantasizing????

or both????

write more on this post

take photos for this post

swiffer kitchen floor

Still wonder why i get nothing done........

Now I am ready for a nap & the girls bus will be here in a minute!!!!!

SQUIRREL!

Tell me about your ADD day!

Still trying to get this started

Ahhh, the beach trip...

The Beach Trip: the birthplace of the PACT-4
The PACT-4: 4 amazing REAL women who abondoned their families for the weekend to escape the daily stresses of life for an all-girl weekend of relaxation, talk, food, sun and fun!
What started as a, "Wouldn't it be nice if we..." turned into, "Yes! We are doing a girl's beach trip together". Even now, it seems like one of those Hallmark-y dreams we sometimes awake from that gives us an extra pep in our step for the day. I am so grateful for the experience.

So quick brief description of us:
P for Patti, cute and bubbly personality that you could bottle and sell-"P Cakes"
A for Ashley, organized housewife and aspiring comedian, make over maven-"Smash"
C for Cathy, drama queen-"Drama"
T for Tracey, creative and crafty-"Crafty-T" or "T-Wow"

It started with a beach trip

So four of us took a trip to the Beach, all with major life experiences to share. Each one of us with many gifts. It was a renewal and therapy for the soul for each of us. We laughed we cried & we talked about everything from crazy places we had sex to how to do an excel spread sheet!

Here is a brief intro to each of us-names & places have been changed to protect the innocent!

And so the PACT has begun!